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Nearly Coherent: Midnight Green Is the Dave of Colors

There’s a new episode of Nearly Coherent!

eD!, Jeff, and Dave talk about the new iPhones 11, Apple Watch Series 5, and all the other shenanigans from Apple’s event on Tuesday.

Find out how many shiny new things I’ll own by next week, it’ll shock and amaze you!

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Entertainment News Politics Technology

Nearly Coherent 037: The Kimmy Gibbler of Worlds

This episode is proof-positive we’re in the Darkest Timeline. Sorry!


Trump v. Sportsball

No one is more upset than I am at Trump’s feud with the NFL and Stephan Curry, both because I’m a hard-line supporter of the First Amendment and because now I know things about sports, which is the last thing in the world I wanted.

In case you missed it because you’re the luckiest son of a bitch on Earth, here’s a good explainer of Trump versus the NFL, and here’s what’s what with Trump versus the NBA, both from Vox.com.

If you’ll excuse me, I have to go find a not-ugly Golden State Warriors hat.

It's me.

The Apple Watch’s Heart Rate Tracking

The Apple Watch got a whole bunch of great updates with watchOS 4, including showing resting heart rate, walking heart rate, recovery rate, and will even give you a head’s up when your heartbeat is spiking for no reason whatsoever. However, these features only work on the Series 1, Series 2, and new Series 3 Watches… the Series 0, which is the original Apple Watch, doesn’t have the hardware capable of handling that.

This isn’t really a big deal — you can always expect pretty big leaps in technical capabilities between the first generation of a device and the second or third, and you can especially expect it when the device is made by Apple. The people who might be a little annoyed by this, though, are the people who bought the first generation solid gold Apple Watch Edition, which started at $18,000. They might have expected a little more longevity out of their purchase.

Then again, they were dumb enough to buy an $18,000+ Apple Watch, so they’re kinda getting what they deserve, honestly.

A $350 Jean Jacket

Jean jackets are back, much to my dismay, and Levi’s released their new Commuter Trucker denim jacket yesterday, which retails $350. Admittedly, it’s a jacket with a li’l technological trick up its sleeve… by swiping or tapping the fabrics on the left cuff, you can control your smartphone via Bluetooth. It’s also made in partnership with Google, so you don’t have to worry about the technical know-how of the fine folks at Levi’s in the hopes that the thing will work, which is nice.

That said, for $350, you can also buy an Apple Watch and not look like a time traveler from 1997, which might be a better look all-around, if you ask me. But hey, it’s your money, spend it how you want, weirdo!


There’s plenty more in the episode to entertain and probably horrify you, so visit Nearly Coherent or wherever you get your podcast fix to give it a listen.

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Technology

Let’s Have Some Apple Event Live-Snark! Hooray!

The fine folks at Apple are holding what is likely their last media event at their Town Hall on Apple’s current campus before switching over to the new, giant-ass auditorium at their new crazy spaceship campus that will open up next year. A lot of products were introduced there — the iPod, the Xserve, the ugly and horrible iPod Hi-Fi — so expect some sort of “this room has a lot of history in it” self-congratulatory nonsense before we get to the new stuff Apple has lined up.

You can watch the event on your iPhone, iPad, or Mac by visiting this page or on an Apple TV via the Apple Events app, which you will either have to install from the App Store (on the latest generation) or has magically appeared on your home screen (on earlier generations).

I will be live-snarking the hell out of this event on Twitter — which you can either follow along with by following me on Twitter or by simply clicking the “Continue Reading” link below to see a live, regularly-updating collection of my tweets (and the tweets of others that I found amusing) during the event. I’ll also be back later to opine on whatever I feel like, presuming I feel like I have anything else to say on the matter beyond the obvious “here’s my money, Tim Cook, make things appear right now, please and thank you”.